My Post Baby Body Journey is a Long One

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It has been four years since I started MyPostBabyBody. A lot has happened over those four years, Obama isn’t our president anymore, I had another baby, Beychella, but my body has stayed the same. I wish I could say that my confidence was where it was after my first MPBB photo shoot but it isn’t right now. After being pregnant with my third son I have to say it was kind of nice taking a vacation from thinking about my body looking some way that it wasn’t supposed to. However, the spectacle of being in a pregnant body came with a whole other set of annoying comments and attention. 

Being asked if I am pregnant when I am not is something that I will never get used to. Sometimes I can go weeks and even months without the question disrupting my day but I can never go too long without it being sprung on me like a jury duty summons. Although, I think it is an invasive and rude question, I know it is rarely asked with malintent. Nevertheless, it still bothers me. It is a microaggression that chips away at my good vibes and confidence. Causing me to consciously and subconsciously shrink myself. I find myself adjusting my posture or covering up with my cardigan once I catch a glimpse of my stomach poking out in the reflection of an H&M store window. I find my hands resting on my stomach as to hide it from the world. Knowing my journey, the pieces I have written, and the interviews that I have done (ok so I did just one interview but you get the point), I am often disappointed with myself for being such a Negative Nancy when it comes to my stomach! For starting over from the beginning of my body journey all over again. Like I am Tye from the movie Clueless going down an endless shame spiral. But if motherhood has taught me anything, it has taught me patience. So that is what I am practicing with myself, patience.

I honestly don’t think my body is going to change very much in the upcoming years. I do what I can to be healthy but I refuse to go on a diet, they just don’t make sense to me from a science standpoint and I don’t have any fucking time to work out on a consistent basis. Maybe this will change sometime in the future but I am accepting that that is where I am right now. Even if I was dieting and working out I stand by my belief that I deserve to love my body now. Say that with me “I deserve to love my body NOW”. So here I am back on my journey same body, similar attitude, same goal- to achieve a Lizzo level of body positivity and love. Feeling a little more honest, a lot more unapologetic and taking pictures in my underwear so people (myself included) can see the beauty of the mom bod beyond the “snapback”. 

My Post Baby Bathing Suit Body

I wore a bathing suit for the first time in a long time today. We are on a family trip and I didn’t even bother to pack my bikini because I am so use to being on the sideline with my four month old. After the guys spent two hours in the pool yesterday I realized I wouldn’t get to spend much time with them if I wasn’t willing to get a little wet. So today I went to an overpriced tourist swim shop and purchased a bathing suit. I was pressed for time and they didn’t have a lot in my size so this is what I got. It’s not the most flattering but it covers my ass and that is what I needed.

When I put it on, my kids were so happy. My four year old told me that I looked fancy. Which made me feel special. We went to the beach and I actually got in the water!

I am writing this as a recommitment to myself to do what I want to do and wear what I feel comfortable in. It seems like an obvious thing to do but even I allow my body to limit my activities. So I am happy to say that I’m off the sideline and in the game wearing my not so flattering bathing suit, but my team doesn’t care so I am ok with it.

My Post Baby Body Journey- 3 Months Postpartum

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3 months postpartum

Mind: Mentally, I am doing a lot better. I feel like myself again and thankfully, my hormones have settled out. I have returned to my regular anxieties like, when will I ever have time to get my house together? When will my 4 year old be done with this “butt, butt, fart, fart, fart” phase? When will I be able to go to a movie again? How am I going to say bye to my happy little baby boy when it is time to go back to work? Do I have any clean underwear? You know, the regular mom stuff. My entire family is home for the summer for the first time ever, all day every day so I am still experiencing more stress than usual and I have my good days and my bad. The difference now is that when I have a low day I am able to bounce back the next.

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I  lost my edges!

Body: My body hasn’t changed much from when I was one month postpartum. I think this is the size I am going to be for a while and I’m ok with that. Physically, I feel myself. I am not one hundred percent ready to be as active as I am use to but I have been dancing more with my boys and did hit the gym once. Yes, just once, lol. As always, breastfeeding has become a large part of my life. It really is a job in itself. This time around however, I discovered a lump in my boob that had to be checked out. According to my doctor, due to postpartum hormones, lumps have to be monitored more closely because cancer can spread more quickly. It turns out that my lump was just a milk cyst which was relieving. What is crazy is that I remember that I was in a lot of pain just a few months ago but I can’t remember what that pain felt like. The human body is such an amazing thing! Oh, and I lost my edges. My hairline is not quite what it use to be but I have experienced this before so I am hoping my hair grows back in a timely fashion. 

Soul: My little one is so cute and cuddly and amazing and just the full embodiment of love that he makes me feel like I am floating sometimes. My middle son however, is really struggling emotionally not having as much attention as he did before which makes things challenging to say the least. I just want to do right by all of my kids and I don’t feel like I am doing the best job right now so that is really wearing on my soul.  

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3 months postpartum

Thank you for following my postpartum journey. While I am sure there will be more that I would like to share with you all, this will be the last post of this series. I think I am getting back to a place where I can return to doing my My Post Baby Body Mama photo shoots so stay tuned!