It has been four years since I started MyPostBabyBody. A lot has happened over those four years, Obama isn’t our president anymore, I had another baby, Beychella, but my body has stayed the same. I wish I could say that my confidence was where it was after my first MPBB photo shoot but it isn’t right now. After being pregnant with my third son I have to say it was kind of nice taking a vacation from thinking about my body looking some way that it wasn’t supposed to. However, the spectacle of being in a pregnant body came with a whole other set of annoying comments and attention.
Being asked if I am pregnant when I am not is something that I will never get used to. Sometimes I can go weeks and even months without the question disrupting my day but I can never go too long without it being sprung on me like a jury duty summons. Although, I think it is an invasive and rude question, I know it is rarely asked with malintent. Nevertheless, it still bothers me. It is a microaggression that chips away at my good vibes and confidence. Causing me to consciously and subconsciously shrink myself. I find myself adjusting my posture or covering up with my cardigan once I catch a glimpse of my stomach poking out in the reflection of an H&M store window. I find my hands resting on my stomach as to hide it from the world. Knowing my journey, the pieces I have written, and the interviews that I have done (ok so I did just one interview but you get the point), I am often disappointed with myself for being such a Negative Nancy when it comes to my stomach! For starting over from the beginning of my body journey all over again. Like I am Tye from the movie Clueless going down an endless shame spiral. But if motherhood has taught me anything, it has taught me patience. So that is what I am practicing with myself, patience.
I honestly don’t think my body is going to change very much in the upcoming years. I do what I can to be healthy but I refuse to go on a diet, they just don’t make sense to me from a science standpoint and I don’t have any fucking time to work out on a consistent basis. Maybe this will change sometime in the future but I am accepting that that is where I am right now. Even if I was dieting and working out I stand by my belief that I deserve to love my body now. Say that with me “I deserve to love my body NOW”. So here I am back on my journey same body, similar attitude, same goal- to achieve a Lizzo level of body positivity and love. Feeling a little more honest, a lot more unapologetic and taking pictures in my underwear so people (myself included) can see the beauty of the mom bod beyond the “snapback”.