When it’s Mother’s Day during a pandemic and you are sheltering in place in Oakland, you will find yourself on the brink of tears at any given moment for no reason at all and for so many reasons.
A good friend will tell you that it is difficult to process trauma when you are still experiencing it.
When you are sheltering in place during a pandemic on Mother’s Day you will feel incredibly guilty for the words that you could not keep from your lips. You will tell your kids to leave you alone and you will be angry with your mouth for not being restrained by your heart.
You will start to fear the world that you are preparing them for. You will think about the days of school missed because of wildfires and now this. Will school ever be the same?
You will note that racism literally does not shelter in place.
You will wonder how crime seems to be down all over the world and yet people are getting shot on 580.
You will listen to Cranes in the Sky and Mamas Gun on repeat when DNice isn’t enough.
You will have to mentally prepare yourself for the grocery store but appreciate it for the welcomed break from your family.
You will mourn the lives lost. Some from the virus, some not. Some of people you know and some of people you do not know; but somehow you miss them.
You will begin to long for the between times. The drives to work. Prep periods. The moments before picking the kids up from school. You realize though short, those times were invaluable.
When it’s Mother’s Day during a pandemic and you are sheltering in place your husband will do whatever he can to cheer you up. He will grow frustrated when your mood doesn’t change.
You know that the only thing that would grant you solace is to have a break. The problem is, the only person who can help you needs a break too.
You feel stuck.
Your family is healthy. You have a roof over your head. You are able to work from home. You have a million things to be grateful for…
You feel guilty.
When it is Mother’s Day during a pandemic and you are sheltering in place. You will Facetime your mother. You will breath. You will enjoy a break from homeschooling. You will enjoy a break from work. You will sleep in a little bit. Maybe drink some wine.
You will survive.