My mind: At times I feel like I have lost it. While physically I’m feeling about 85% back to where I was before I was pregnant, mentally I haven’t been feeling myself. I’ve been having hella mood swings and my husband is having a hard time dealing with them. It’s like I lost the ability to bite my tongue and all the little things that I usually let go, I just don’t. Before I can stop myself, I hear things come out of my mouth that I usually keep to myself and I’m very unapologetic about it which leads to some unpleasant exchanges. There’s also the tears. I cry for no reason and a whole bunch of reasons at the same time. I’ll be reading something or thinking about something and the tears will just come out of my eyes. It’s frustrating not feeling like myself. I have always been someone who needs to keep busy to be happy, sitting idle just allows my mind to go to wild places so being on maternity leave without work to stimulate me while also being too tired to really work on any projects any way is difficult. The weather is becoming more spring like however, so that should help me get out more and raise those serotonin levels.
My body: The soreness is pretty much gone. My pelvic floor is back in action and I even did a 3 mile hike! I am no longer reliant on pain medication to get me through the day and night. Woohoo! My stomach has gone down a lot but I wouldn’t be surprised if it stops shrinking, this might just be how my body is from now until who knows? I should mention for about a week I would wake up in the middle of the night with a crazy throbbing headache. These headaches were the worst headaches I have every experienced in my life. I’m not being dramatic when I say that I thought I was dying, that’s just how bad that they were. They went away with some pain medicine and my doctor told me that they could be caused by sleep deprivation, but ruled out any relation the headaches could have had to my epidural because they didn’t feel better when I would lay down. I guess epidural related headaches feel better when one lays down (fun fact). I think I was just dehydrated and sleep deprived. I started focusing more on drinking water and sleeping and they went away. My boobs still hurt from time to time because breastfeeding causes a lot of things to happen to one’s boobs.
My soul: I’m just hella tired. My soul is tired. Still overwhelmed with love for my family just feeling a bit low sometimes as I mentioned before.