I was in my head a lot during my most recent pregnancy. We planned to have Maxwell simply because our family didn’t feel complete. In the past few years it has always felt like someone was missing. Logically, it made the most sense to conceive when we did so that our kids wouldn’t be too far apart in age and we wouldn’t have to pay two childcare tuitions at the same time. We were lucky to conceive at our intended time and my pregnancy began.
This pregnancy felt more challenging than my other ones but that could simply be because it’s more fresh in my memory. I struggled to keep up with my four year old, had a lot of aches and pains and my blood pressure was a bit elevated towards the end. I’m embarrassed to say that my physical discomfort and the impact my pregnancy had on my family and my career made me second guess my decision to have my third child. Don’t get me wrong, I always felt very connected to Maxwell and loved him well before I met him but in my mind I would often think “what did I get myself into?”.
The morning I went into labor with Maxwell the rain poured down. It was cloudy and foggy all morning- a beautiful gray. I drew calm during my labor from gazing at the clouds hanging over the hills. Miraculously, however after he came out, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. All I could see was blue outside the window as I tried to nurse my beautiful and very gooey baby boy. I am so in love. That is all that I know and that is all that I need to think about at this time.